When we come across the word “virginity”,
we immediately think of girls. It is more a female palaver because, just like
the foil that covers the tin of unopened, chassis Bournvita, the hymen is there
to preserve the virtue of the women till the “appropriate time” which varies
from culture to culture.
Many African societies built their culture around the
preservation of virginity so no Ray-J can come from anywhere to sing “I hit it
first”, among other reasons. My earliest encounter with the concept of
virginity, was when I was a little girl, at the wedding of my family doctor. I
watched his soon to be bride walk down the aisle, wearing an ivory colored
wedding gown. I openly expressed my love for the color of the wedding gown, as
I had always had an eye out for uncommon trends. Almost immediately, a woman
sitting behind me laughed and said “She is wearing off-white because she has
messed herself up”. I badly wanted to know what she meant and when I got the
chance, I took the matter to a senior in school who explained with pride that
virgins were an elite class of girls who kept themselves whole for marriage; by
refraining from sexual activity and by so doing, earned the right to wear a
pure white wedding gown on their wedding ceremonies and this brought pride to
their names and honor to their families. As I grew older, I found out that
wholesome concept of virginity had been broken down and have morphed into
different classes of hierarchy: 1. The Oral Virgin who has not carried out any
form of sexual activity with her mouth but may have had sexual intercourse. 2.
The Virgin-Virgin who still has her hymen intact and has not participated in
any sexual activity. 3. The Anal Virgin who has not partaken in any sexual
activity involving the “back door” but has had the normal sexual intercourse 4.
The Slutty virgin who has done all except actual intercourse. I didn’t need
anyone to tell me these variations were born out of a need to preserve the
conservative value attached to virginity, in an openly sexually irresponsible
and active society. Years after, it has gotten worse. Sex now shares
atmospheric space with oxygen. Sex is 40% of the 70% water the earth is covered
in. I now live in a society where people are judged by their sexual portfolio
and given cool points. How open you are about your sexuality and how much
experience you declare you have most of the time, almost equals maturity and to
some extent, knowledge. As expected the sexually inexperienced virgins are
thrown under this bandwagon mentality to be trampled upon by non-virgins. Many
welcomed this new arrangement because it was THE Paradigm Shift. Tables had
turned and the sexually active young unmarried people ruled the world, as
opposed to previous eras where they were stigmatized and clothed with shame and
sneers. This open and reckless acceptance of our sexuality narrowed down the
variations of the concept of virginity into two: 1. The orthodox virgins who
are driven by religion and morality, taking their virginity to their
matrimonial homes. 2. The 21st century virgins who remain so, for various reason
ranging from fear of being used and abused, to unwanted pregnancy and lack of
self control. These ones most likely partake in other sexual activities not
involving intercourse. I carried out a survey, to find out what virginity meant
to the young men in my society, by asking a simple question: “Can you be in a
relationship with or marry a virgin?” Man1: I can never date a virgin or even
marry one. I don’t have the strength to deflower her, I heard it is painful and
energy consuming, emotionally and physically. Why would I want to put myself
through that? I thought this answer to be quite acceptable, however in a world
of enlightenment and solutions to a lot of psychological and physical health
issues, a professional in either field. Sex surrogates or shrinks or
gynecologists may be contacted for help and solutions. Man2: When you deflower
a woman, it is like launching a rocket. You’re actually launching her into her
ho-phase, and unleashing into the world, untold promiscuous terror. The woman
becomes over sexually active to make up for the years of abstaining. If you
wife this kind of woman, you have wifed an adulterer, if you date her, she will
become the neighborhood joint.Ridiculous excuse, though not totally unheard of.
On the contrary, a woman who has successfully managed to keep herself chaste
till marriage must have adopted a self control mechanism and should be able to
exercise it even after marriage, under the right circumstances. It all comes
down to loyalty and contentment at the end of the day. Man3: It is good for
girls to lose their virginity at a young age, so they can gather enough
experience needed to satisfy her husband sexually, when it’s time to settle
down. No man wants an inexperienced wife or girlfriend who will make it easy
for him to cheat on her Not an excuse to me because in the thriving world of
adult toys and pornography, sex is totally teachable. #SexNotRocketScience The
bone of contention is the balance between right and wrong. This generation
happens to be liberal concerning most societal issues, however when it comes to
sex, a compromise has not been reached. There’s the majority who encourage
sexual openness, believing that the concept of virginity should have died with
slave trade and the killing of twins. While there’s the conservative minority
who believe in the conservative nature of sexual matters, and the need to
preserve the concept of keeping the virginity for marriage as part of our
culture, and a moral compass. I believe though virginity should not lose its
value and importance, it also should not be used as a tool of discrimination or
superiority as it has been used in the past. Now that sex is every where, our
youth should be taught that they always have a choice and every choice is a
catalyst to a chain reaction of consequences. If they choose to remain chaste
no matter the situation of society, by all means encourage them. If they choose
to engage in sexual activities, they should be enlightened on the sensible and
proper way go about it, no team should be discriminating the other for their
personal choices.
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